You ‘Rose’ To The Challenge!

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When I extended the challenge to make Valentine's Day something more than how loved other people can make you feel….I got a GREAT response. It seems that there are lots of people who are consistently looking for ways to honor others, bless others and celebrate others. They jumped at the opportunity to do it on a day that is centered around LOVE. Here is what happened:

We had several people report that they cared for foster children, which is one of the things I personally did. One couple bought flowers for their widowed neighbor and left the flowers anonymously on her porch the night before. The last thing they said when telling me about it was, "We know those flowers will mean more to her than they would have ever meant to either of us." One widow decided to take the challenge and personally delivered flowers to all 5 of the widows on her block. A visit and a Valentine! We had lots of babysitting for first time parents and single moms. The Valentine's Day challenge also produced one babies first over-night stay so that Mom and Dad (who travels a lot) could have a kid free night.

Several teachers responded to the challenge and I always LOVE how creative they are. A music teacher who at some point has many kids in the school through her classroom did a note writing and card making project. She challenged her students to choose an adult in their school other than their own teacher and tell them through the card that they are loved and appreciated. Cafeteria workers, former teachers, janitors, secretaries, gym coaches and librarians were all touched by the thoughtfulness. Another teacher said that she paid specific attention to some of her junior high students who didn't get any Valentines. She then made sure by the end of the day they had all received some anonymous gifts if they hadn't gotten any from peers. Her goal was that NO child in that junior high be left out on this day.

One mom spent the whole weekend at a wrestling tournament with a kid who otherwise wouldn't have been able to go because his own parents were unable to take him. One mom made cookies for the neighbors and delivered them with her kid. Several single people took the challenge and also gave in some creative ways. One texted all of her single friends at the beginning of the day to wish them lots of love. Then on her way to work she paid for the person's coffee behind her in the drive thru and left a Valentine for them. A few other single people visited the hospital and nursing homes as well as paid for a meal for other patrons in restaurants where they were eating.

Without fail every person who participated said that it was as much fun for them as they had hoped it would be for their recipients. Isn't that just like love?

Beautiful? Beautiful!!

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How often do we decline joy and beauty because it did not present itself in the manner or package we expected?

The Valentine’s Day Challenge

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Yes, it's quickly approaching. That day where we want to publicly be affirmed that we are loved, loveable, celebrated, wanted, adored, cherished and somebody's. So often a disappointing day for so many. If you are the person who loves Valentine's Day more than any other holiday and you can't get enough of swimming around in the love you have for your honey and all of the creative ways that you can express it, well, this challenge might NOT be for you. But if you think Valentine's Day could possibly be something more than the celebration of how loved someone else can make YOU feel, then this challenge is for you.

This challenge is to simply think about LOVE from a bigger perspective. And by bigger, I mean bigger than you and yours. For years this holiday was a painful reminder that I had not yet been chosen. For some it is a painful reminder that the one who chose them has now chosen somebody else. For some it is a lonely day without the one they have lost. It can be an empty confusing day of grief, anger and pain. But it's supposed to be about love? Yes, it is supposed to be about love! For everybody. EVERY-body. This challenge is asking you to consider those who we typically don't consider on this day.

So if you accept my challenge, single people you will have to STOP thinking about how single you are on Valentine's Day this year. Dating folks, get out of your honeymoon phase bubble and consider sprinkling that love around a little. And married people, you will have to STOP thinking about how lousy, mediocre or fantastic your spouse is. You will have to stop lamenting over the love you wish you had, wish he/she did differently or wished you had found sooner because it's so amazing. You will have to GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WORLD and make an attempt to consider how this day might be affecting somebody else's.

There is no right or wrong way to participate in this challenge. A few ideas, however:

1. Young couples do something for an older couple.

2. Celebrate and recognize the love of your mother, a teacher or a pastor.

3. Invite your single friend over and instead of having them babysit so you can leave, cook them dinner.

4. Visit your widowed neighbor or send a card to someone you know gets lonely.

5. Take heart shaped cookies to the ER waiting room in your town and sit with some worried hearts.

6. Go to your local nursing home and hold some beautiful crooked hands.

7. Go hand out gloves or scarves to homeless folks who are cold.

8. Offer to babysit for the couple you know is struggling or the friends who have foster children.

Participate with your kids so that they can give and express love in ways they hadn't thought of. Make it more than store bought cards and another reason to get candy. Heck, do stuff ALL week long! Spread the love!

Footnote: It' is important to celebrate the love you have cultivated with your somebody. But maybe you could do that when dinner at a nice restaurant doesn't require a two hour wait and roses aren't unnecessarily expensive!

If you accept the challenge here's how it works:

1. Please use the 'leave a reply' link at the top of this article to tell me about the stories, the events, the feelings, the photos, the results so I can share the results of our challenge.

3. Have fun loving and celebrating love! Happy Happy Valentine's Day!

Why I don’t support Phil

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I do not believe the debacle between A&E and Phil Robertson to be an issue of free speech or religious persecution so my perspective does not take up that debate. As a Christian myself, I must definitively say that Phil Robertson of A&E's Duck Dynasty does NOT need my support. This is a man who communicates consistently with the living and risen Savior. As far as I know, he walks with the Holy Spirit to the glory of his heavenly Father. He says he is in active relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. What in the world could my support possibly add to this recent situation when he has access to that? And if that wasn't enough, he has more resources and family members (with guns) than I could possibly count.

As I see it, my verbal support on social media or otherwise actually causes more damage to Phil's purpose of spreading the gospel or speaking the truth than it does help it. Here is how I see it:

The gay and lesbian community has systematically been alienated and isolated from the truth of God's love and grace because many Christians continue to define them by their sin. Quite simply we seem to be more focused on convincing them of their sin than convincing them of God's love. If we are so concerned about the state of their hearts, the destination of their souls and the course of their lives why aren't we showing support for them? Lining up behind Phil, even if you agree with him does not seem to be the best way to further the gospel to those who need to hear it. We have made the truth of God's love something that is near impossible for gays and lesbians to hear because they corporately feel so hated, looked down upon and judged by many Christians. And yet it is our commission to love them! Why would they listen to us speak of His love when we line up to prove them wrong, sinful, bad? Aren't we all wrong, sinful and bad?

I believe that a person can cling to the truth, stand for the truth, speak the truth and live the truth in an uncompromising way without alienating people from that truth. The ultimate truth is that God loves us and Jesus died for each of us and that without Him we are eternally lost. That truth, scripture says, sets people free. I pray that we are not becoming obstacles in the lives of others so that they don't hear that truth. If we are, I believe we will be asked; "why?"

I DARE you!

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I have a foster child in my home today. Not because I'm a foster mom. I should be. We all should be. I have the same excuses you do probably. I work. My home isn't ready. My family isn't ready. My husband doesn't want to. Blah, blah, blah…. I ask myself the same questions you probably do that allow us to hesitate. "Where would I find the free time?" "How would it affect my child?" "What if they have more problems than I know how to deal with?" "How would I ever say 'good-bye' if I got attached?" "What if I wanted to say 'good-bye' as soon as they arrived?"

Today I am providing a little assistance to one of those moms who is braver than I am. One who didn't let the excuses stand in her way. One who is willing to look at the numbers and DARE to respond. DARE to open her home, her heart, her life, and her family to children who need them all. There are 10,896 foster children in the state of Oklahoma today! Read that sentence again! That number is staggering. I DARE you to let that sink in. And there are only 2,500 certified foster homes In Oklahoma. Not enough have DARED to help these kids.

The little boy I'm spending my day with is a delightful 3 year old. He is fun, funny, polite, affectionate and easy to have in my home. I don't know why he isn't with his parents. I don't need to know. Here is what I know. I know he has brothers and a sister that he talks about with a great deal of love. I know that he has thanked me for every thing I've given him today. I know that he loves his mamma and he doesn't care that the bicycle he has been riding is Barbie pink. I know his eyes smile when he laughs and I know he listens when you talk to him. I also know that he doesn't care about my excuses. He cares about having a place to sleep, eat, play and be hugged. I also know that because of brave people like my friends there is still hope. There is hope because children can be safe, loved, nurtured and encouraged even when they can't be at home. There is hope when people DARE to care.

Have you DARED to care about somebody today? Have you opened up your heart, your life, your schedule, your home to somebody who might be changed by such a gift. These kids didn't even choose the things they are experiencing in the first place. Perhaps you could offer respite care to a foster family and just keep kids for a weekend. Maybe you would be willing to educate yourself about the foster system in your area. Maybe you could volunteer this holiday season at an area shelter where these kids are having to live. Or donate clothing and shoes so these kids don't have to go to school in the same thing everyday. Maybe you could do something. Anything. I DARE you!!

What people are saying about Letters to Love

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"It has been a very long time since I've read a book start to finish in one sitting. But I did that today. This book may be small but it's powerful."

"I loved it. I laughed and I cried. You express yourself, and life, so well."

"You wrote down all the things I think and feel but never had the courage to admit outloud."

"Just finished the book….I couldn't put it down. I felt validated and normal and hopeful and inspired. My only disappointment was getting to the last letter and there were no more pages to turn…."

Letters to Love can be purchased at the link just to the right of this article!

Or at a scheduled book signing.

Thursday November 7th 5:00-7:30 — Shades of Brown Coffee Shop — 3302 S. Peoria / Tulsa, Ok.

Saturday November 16th 11:00-1:00 — The Book Exchange — 3 North Adair St. / Pryor, Ok.

Thursday November 21st 3:00-6:30 –The Coffee Shop — 802 W. Taft Unit A / Sapulpa, Ok.

Sunday November 24th 2:00-5:00 –Panera — 41st &Hudson / Tulsa, Ok.

Saturday February 8th 3:00-6:00 — Coffee Commission — 309 S. Bryant / Edmond, Ok.

Other dates being finalized and added to the calendar soon!

Time Does NOT Heal All Wounds

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I've heard many well meaning people say, "You'll be okay, time heals all wounds." "Just give it some time and you'll be fine." The intentions of these words are good but the truth can be very misleading and even damaging. If you are one of those people who have waited and waited for time to heal your wounds STOP waiting! Time doesn't heal wounds! The only thing time does is go by. It passes. The clock ticks. The calendar turns. The sand falls. Time comes and goes, period.

If I broke my arm today and the doctor told me "you'll be okay, time heals all wounds" or "just give it time and it will heal" I wouldn't believe him. In fact I would fire him! Granted, if I did take his advice I would certainly grow more accustomed to my broken arm over time. I might learn to compensate for its limitations and pains but that does not equate with healing and we all know it. Why do we believe "time heals all wounds" when dealing with emotional hurts? Similarly we might grow more accustom to our pain, we might learn to compensate for it as we learn to live with it weighing on us. But this does not equate with healing anymore than a broken arm that never got set, treated and healed.

You want to heal from grief? Disappointment? Depression? Trauma? Betrayal? Loss? Heartbreak? Then don't let anymore time pass without doing something healing! You see, it's what we do with our time and how we address our wounds that produces healing. The trouble is we don't bleed from grief, we are not outwardly wounded from betrayal, we are not physically limited from disappointment and so we don't care for it in the same way we do a physical break. Depression and Anxiety don't cause a fever and therefore are not contagious so we just keep going to work or school in hopes that it will get better. We spend a lot of our time denying and ignoring our emotional wounds instead of treating and healing them.

The truth is our emotions need bandages, casts and surgery too. We need the healing ointment of support, love and kindness. We need the strength that can come from addressing our hurts face forward and head on. We need to know that there is education available to assist us in getting better answers, treatment and freedom from our pain. And we need to spend our time pursuing healing things in order for healing to take place. If we do not, then those wounds fester, grow, and cause infection in other areas of our life simply because they were not treated. It doesn't have to be that way. The emotional difficulty that gets addressed can go through a process of healing that if done correctly actually makes that spot in our lives stronger than it was before the break. Just like the broken arm that is treated and healed.

Much like seeking medical attention there are many different levels of therapeutic intervention. Which one do you need to do? Call that friend? Read that book? Join that support group? Say that prayer? Ask that question? Take that medication? Make that appointment? Go to that meeting? Forgive that injustice? Grieve that loss? Overcome that obstacle? Face that fear? Quit that habit? Change that thinking? Ask for help? Admit that denial? Confess that sin? Increase that esteem?

Healing is something we do, often even fight for. It is something we seek and participate in. It is not something that falls into our lap while we are allowing time to pass. Do something healing today, will you?

The Color of Love

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I was not a girly girl growing up. I was 4 years old when my only sister got married and moved away to start her own life. I was left with ALL boys. I didn't have a shot at being a girly girl. I learned early that if I was going to have someone to play with I would have to learn how to take a punch, take a joke and take a hike when necessary. So on the playground that was our backyard I tried to throw, catch, hit and run just as good if not better than they all could. It was my way of survival as much as it was my assurance that I would be included in their world. And make no mistake, I wanted to be part of their world. It was the only one I really had much exposure to. My mother, who had prayed diligently for another girl tried very hard to expose me to pink, dresses, dolls and other girly things. But bless her heart, she didn't stand a fighting chance with the 8 testosterone filled siblings I was left to play with. The day we lost our baseball in the backyard and I pulled my dolls head off to use in its place, I think a little something died inside of her. But she never gave up and she NEVER made me feel as though I was being the wrong version of myself.

So today when I painted a version of pink that no human should have to put on a wall I thought of my mother. You see, 4 years ago I think I gave birth to the daughter that my mother had always wanted. A frilly, tu-tu loving, fabulously feminine girl who can't get enough of dolls, princess' and things that sparkle. She actually broke down in tears one time when I told her that I didn't like pink. I don't encourage the girly thing, I don't know how to encourage the girly thing. It's just there. So taking a lesson from my mom I will simply love her. Her. Not the version of her that I think she should be or that I'd rather she be for my own comfort, but her. Not because I understand her or agree with her but because my job is to love her. The fabulously unique, wonderful individual that she is right now and will continue to become. And right now she wants to be surrounded in, draped in and consumed by all things pink and purple and glittery. And so….I'll paint. Painting is my version of when my mom cheered for the homerun I hit with the doll head. On the inside she was undoubtedly shaking her head but on the outside NOTHING but love! And love is what makes all the difference in life isn't it? So today, in our house, the color of love is pink….with flowers…..and a little purple….

And just to let her know I REALLY love her I put down my artistic expectations and gave in when she wanted to paint flowers too!

I do love her. She won't know how much until she has to sit and cheer on her daughter at the lumber jack contest or the pig call national finals!

Book Cover

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The cover is done!

The publisher says:

Letters to Love is a heartfelt and deeply moving collection of author Missy Nicholas' letters that document her twenty-year search for love. Sometimes hopeful, sometimes despairing, the letters reflect the emotional roller coaster that every single woman can identify with and every married woman should be reminded of. In her search Nicholas discovers as much about herself as she does about the love she is looking for and the type of person she wants to spend her life sharing it with. Steeped in truth, Letters to Love is a love story like you've never read before.

Stay Tuned for Letters to Love release date!

Message for Daddy

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He was a man of few words, my father but for some reason he always encouraged mine. "Keep writing," he would say "You're good at it." So I did. I've played with poetry and kept journals since I was a kid. Words have rolled around in my head wanting to be introduced for as long as I can remember. I have filled notebooks that even I don't necessarily want to go back and re-read. But I continue to write. I'm a terribly slow reader myself, since I mouth every word even when reading silently. But I love to see what words will do when they fall off the tip of my pen. I made a 'C' in at least one English class growing up. My term papers, research papers and compositions were always filled with red marks and an average grade when handed back to me. But I kept writing. There was an English proficiency exam which was an essay that was required by all seniors to graduate from the University I attended. I flunked it. Flunked! As in: You will not be graduating! The professor wouldn't even read it because I had written it in all capital letters, as I do everything. Automatic 'F'. It seemed the only voice encouraging me to write was Daddy's. "Keep writing," he would say "You're good at it." So I did.

And that is why I wish he were here today. So I could thank him for buying me that word processor which showed 4 lines at a time before you hit 'print'. A fantastic piece of technology for a wannabe like myself. I wish he were here so he could read my blog. He wouldn't agree with all of it's points or passions but he would read it and he would tell me that he was proud. I wish he were here so I could thank him again for noticing that I loved something and encouraging me to do it. And I wish he were here so that I could say, "Daddy, there is a publisher that wants to publish a book I wrote!" I always wanted to be able to tell him that. It's been a dream of mine for years. For myself and for him. And now that dream has come true! Somehow although I don't get to tell him in person, I think he knows. He certainly had something to do with it happening. Just by saying those 6 words that I often needed to hear. "Keep writing. You're good at it." So I did!

Letters to Love, my twenty year journey of being a single adult will be available this Fall! I'm excited for the process and the feedback about my work. Perhaps it will help somebody, encourage somebody or just cause a chuckle or two. That would delight me. I would love it if you bought one, borrowed one or downloaded a copy when it's available. I'll keep you posted on where you can get it. If you do read it and you enjoy it, share it with a friend and send a little thanks to my dad!